When Did You Heart Go Missing?

Ok, technically, that is the name of a song (the title :P), just for the record. Anyways... what was I planning to talk about? Oh yea... I actually picked that song as the title of this post because today I remembered when MY heart actually went missing... I remember feeling like I was dead... it was sort of weird, I wouldn't feel my heart beat anymore... I really was starting to doubt whether I was truly alive... I remember it... sort of... how I'd wake up every morning and wonder how in the world was I planning to face another day. Even my parent's noticed something was up with me... The ironic part, was that before my heart disappeared from my chest, it was beating at 1000 km/h... The event that sparked it to beat so fast was also the one that managed to "kill" it. I remember it was hard to breathe, it felt as there was this huge whole in my chest that sucked in all the air I was supposed to be breathing in. I had been reading the Twilight series for the first time around that period. I surprised myself at my capacity to read a love story even though inside I was torn by one similar to it. Then I got to New Moon, now... that was a slightly a pain.. I could remember that I perfectly connected with Bella's pain. I came home this afternoon feeling a little weird, the guy I sorta like looked at me with.... cold eyes ñ_n i have no idea WHY he's pissed now, but oh well, that's just him... Besides that, my mom was still sort of freaked out... and that didn't really help. I opened the door, glad that I had the house to myself for a couple of hours, left my bag and my sister's bag in their corresponding places, and flopped into my bed. I felt my heart beating, and it didn't hurt that much to breathe. Then I thought to myself: "you see, it isn't that bad, you can still feel your heart beat", which is what lead to me describing this whole situation
On the other hand... My confirmation was a couple of days ago, and there was this guy there... he completely grabbed my attention O.O it was amazing... It's been a while since a guy has intrigued me that much.... and that's it for now jaja :D i have nothing more to say :D

I never really got it

Wow!! REAL long time since I last posted... around a couple of months, actually. The clock is ticking and suddenly I grow aware of the fact that my days are counted. I had been having the feeling of it nagging at me the in some random "corner" of my brain, but it's until now that I truly feel it's impact. Reality is finally beginning to hit me... I find myself looking at my friends, wondering how they'll feel when they find out I won't be around them for a while. Will it hurt them? Will they miss me?
It pains me to see how they expect me to stick around, it pains me to see the smiles on they're faces when they say: hey :D no problem, we'll be here for you when she's gone :D My teachers are scared with how I'll react when my closest friend here is gone, but I know that either way, my other friends would back me up. But somehow, I feel like i'm committing treason. It's cruel, really, but there's not much I can do about it. It's the price of caring, and being cared for...
I dreamt about returning to my old school yesterday... It was odd, most of the same people... yet it was completely different... It's an odd mix of signals, I don't really get what I'm supposed to do anymore... I try to ignore the fact that I'm leaving, yet at the same time i'm anxious for it... what am I truly supposed to do? *sigh* That's all for now...